Typing Concrete Things

So I've recently realized I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. It's caused a minor existential crisis. I want to do so many amazing things with my life but have no idea how to get there, and I want to go so many places but have no means to get there. I have nowhere to live next fall and have no idea why I'm an art history major or even what I'm doing in Michigan. But as scared out of my mind as I am, it's hard to forget that this is one of the most beautiful times in my life. It's kind of annoying to not be able to forget that when you want to sulk in your worries. Regardless of the unknown, it's so beautiful to have such a blank slate and not be able to fathom the great people I'm going to meet/live with, the designs I'll create, the places I'll see and photograph, the music I'll listen to, the things I'll write, and the clothes I'll wear. But I'm still scared.
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I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that were concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it is. I think that’s why she always struggled with God. And I think that’s why she also struggled with love. She couldn’t touch it. She couldn’t hold on to it and make sure it never changed. But sometimes it’s those things you can’t touch that you need to hold on to the most.
-Carrie Ryan
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We Found Love - Rihanna

No Specific Reason or Title

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6 months with this kid + 5 days. Hooray.
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A Story Left Untold

I apologize that I haven't updated in awhile, I've been sick. But..I have managed to bake and at least keep my life together. I baked ginger and cardamom scones, chocolate covered candied orange peels, and caramels (with no corn syrup of course). Somehow they all turned out (and are almost gone) despite my depletion of energy. I've also managed to watch movies and discover new music...just as Christmas break should be. Christmas is in a few days. It should be interesting to see if I get my shopping done not to mention wrapping. But who's stressed about it?
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Everyone has a secret they haven’t shared. Everyone has a past no one’s heard about. Everyone has talents that people don’t notice. Everyone has weaknesses hidden inside. Everyone has a story left untold, so never start judging someone thinking you know them back to front. Because the truth is, you probably don’t.
-Goodmorning&Goodnight
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Junk of the Heart (Happy)-The Kooks

Enemy of the Best

I officially finished my design projects today. I'm exhausted, and potentially am coming down with an illness. Most likely from stress and lack of sleep. It feels so good to be one day closer to Christmas despite the fact that I have about 1/2 a person bought for. It's been a lovely day though; very sunny and warm. I find the sun gives me joy. I also watched Melancholia last night. The end caused me to stare at a wall for a solid 15 minutes. Only great movies do that to me. I feel as though it's the same as a good book, when it creates you to view the world in a different light it's a brilliant film.
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You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage – pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically – to say ‘no’ to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside. The enemy of the ‘best’ is often the ‘good.’
-Stephen Cove
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Dilly - Band of Horses

The Worlds Inside People

I burned a lavender and lemon candle last night. It was perfect next to my dried carnations and baby's breath in a jar. I want to read over my break from school, even if it's just one book.
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People say I make strange choices, but they’re not strange for me. My sickness is that I’m fascinated by human behavior, by what’s underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people.
-Johnny Depp
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Bookends - Simon and Garfunkel

Spaces In Togetherness

I swear, I forgot how lovely the sun on the snow was. It's like seeing something for the first time despite the fact that it snows every year. My brother comes home Wednesday and my sister comes home Tuesday. I get to go home today. I finished my final design project last night at 11:00pm after 20+ hours of work on it, I'm actually pretty satisfied with how it turned out.
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But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
-Kahlil Gibran
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Feel It All Around - Washed Out

Preserving Eccentricity and Narcissism

It snowed for the first time today. I'm so close to being done with all of my work. Designing, printing, studying, and pasting. That will be my weekend and early week.
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Writing down your thoughts is both necessary and harmful. It leads to eccentricity, narcissism, preserves what should be let go. On the other hand, these notes intensify the inner life, which, left unexpressed, slips through your fingers. If only I could find a better kind of journal, humbler, one that would preserve the same thoughts, the same flesh of life, which is worth saving.
-Anna Kamienska
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Live for the Sounds - Brooke Waggoner

Whimsical Responsibility

The semester is almost over. I legitimately have no idea how I did it.
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You must not ever stop being whimsical. And you must not, ever, give anyone else the responsibility for your life.
-Mary Oliver
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7-14 by: Andy McKee

It's Been Awhile

I haven't had much to say as of late nor really much time to say it.
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To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget.
-Arundhati Roy
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You can’t choose what stays and what fades away.
-Florence + the Machine
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Down in the Valley-The Head and the Heart

Revelling in Lavender

Accept who you are; and revel in it.
-Mitch Albom
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i've been drawing a lot more lately. and i bought a lavender plant. i hope it doesn't die.
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It may be unfair, but what happens in a few days, sometimes even a single day, can change the course of a whole lifetime…
-Khaled Hosseini (The Kite Runner)

Gelato.

i miss gelato.

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Strivings

You will forgive me, I hope you don't mind me saying, I just wanted to add, if you've got time and I've said it before and I'll say it again, because you should know, before we go any further, we should put everything on the table because the reality is and the truth is and the fact of the matter is, I shouldn't interrupt but I was wondering and if you know, please tell me, how we manage to say so much, without saying anything at all.
-I Wrote This For You
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It's extremely odd being back from Vienna. I constantly find differences and details about my home that are different than Austria. Not good, nor bad. Just different. But it is good to be home. I missed my people. The good and bad. Home is home, regardless of what happens.
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When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.
-Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)
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Strings by: Young the Giant (Open Session Version)

Not Really Sorry

All the pathos and irony of leaving one’s youth behind is thus implicit in every joyous moment of travel: one knows that the first joy can never be recovered, and the wise traveler learns not to repeat successes but tries new places all the time.
– Paul Fussell
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sorry i completely stopped updating about vienna. it got a little overwhelming to do a post almost everyday. so you'll just have to be happy with some of the pictures i post, for my blog will be back to normal now. or you can creepily find me on facebook and live vicariously through my pictures there. but please, don't be too creepy.

A Harmonic Connection

You know what music is? God’s little reminder that there’s something else besides us in this universe–a harmonic connection between all living beings; every where; even the stars.
-Wizard in August Rush
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Day 3 in Vienna: 11:00 Haydn mass. It was so beautiful. The church, the choir and the orchestra. Dinner in Vienna Woods. Rain. Wandering empty streets. Gelato. Hazelnut cake. Wet feet.

Day 4 in Vienna: First day of classes. Fabulous professor. St. Stephan's church. H&M. Mango. Zara. Straciatella gelato. Henry's Grocery. Lots of Nutella.
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To The Workers Of The Rock River Valley Region, I Have An Idea Concerning Your Predicament by: Sufjan Stevens

The Next Part of Yourself

I learned something important that night. You shouldn’t try to stop everything from happening. Sometimes you’re supposed to feel awkward. Sometimes you’re supposed to be vulnerable in front of people. Sometimes it’s necessary because it’s all part of you getting to the next part of yourself, the next day. The diary wasn’t always right.
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Day 1 in Wien: overwhelmed. heavy lifting. super happy. apple strudel. lots of nutella
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Day 2 in Wien: walking. rococo art in a palace. coffee. too much german. lemon gelato.
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Sun It Rises by: Fleet Foxes

Moving and Mörbich

I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move.
-Robert Louis Stevenson
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So I'm in the small town of Mörbich, Austria. The town is so quiet. I'm pretty sure I've seen a total of 10 people most of which are on tractors. It's amazing. I ate schnitzel yesterday. It had pork and ham and cheese? I don't really know, all I know is that I ate it and it was good. Real good. I'm pretty sure this entire town is a fairy tale. The houses are white with orangeish and reddish roofs and there are gates everywhere. The cafés are adorable and yellow, and the people are gems. Aka I'm pretty sure I'm in a dream and I'm going to wake up in Grand Rapids very soon.
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Also. Everything is green and summery and the café owner just took a picture of us because these are the most customers he's ever seen. Typical Mörbich. Also. I go to Vienna tomorrow!!!
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Nantes by: Beirut

Making the Man

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-Mark Twain
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I've started to pack. As you can assume it's not going so well. I procrastinate, am indecisive, and get distracted. And, as you can tell I've gotten distracted by updating. Heh, well what can you do.
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Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, IL by: Sufjan Stevens




If anyone has any suggestions as to what to wear in Vienna you are more than welcome to comment. As long as it's not stupid.

Bicycling and Balance

I'm going to Vienna in approximately 3 days, and I have decided to switch my blog to document my travels. Well, not just travels but my memories, greatest thoughts, lovely pictures, and aspects of my life I want to share with whomever wants to read this.
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Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.
-Albert Einstein
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Oh by the way, I'm leaving for a month.
I'll keep updating in preparation for my departure.

Our Capacity to Love

Events unfold so unpredictably, so unfairly, human happiness does not seem to be included in the design of creation. It is only we, with our capacity to love that give meaning to the indifferent universe. And yet, most human beings seem to have the ability to keep trying and even try to find joy from simple things, like their family, their work, and from the hope that future generations might understand more.
-Woody Allen
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lemons&limes
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note the butterfly
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Chicago/Clocks by: Joseph Edmonds

Celebrations...Yet Again

Today I'm 20. There's really not much else to say except that I like celebrating things. Ollie likes to celebrate too.
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Life is like a train ride. Some people will sit next to you and talk to you. Some will just stand around…oblivious to your existence. Some will have to leave the train while you’re having a great conversation and who knows when you’ll see them again. And if you’re lucky, there’ll be those who will sit and talk to you throughout the whole journey.
-From a dear friend

Eternal Sunshine

Hi. I saw you sitting over here, alone and I thought, wow, thank god, someone normal who doesn’t know how to interact at these things either.
-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
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I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a f*cked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.
-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

yes.
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Most people fail at whatever they attempt because of an undecided heart. Should I? Should I not? Go forward? Go back? Success requires the emotional balance of a committed heart. When confronted with a challenge, the committed heart will search for a solution. The undecided heart searches for an escape. A committed heart does not wait for conditions to be exactly right. Why? Because conditions are never exactly right.
-Andy Andrews
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On the Radio by: Regina Spektor
Over the Hill by: Agnes Obel

The End Never Was

Lovers' names, carved in walls
Overlap, start to merge
Some of them underneath
Maybe they appear
In graveyards
Maybe they fade away
Weathered and overgrown
Time has told
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Let us rejoice in the sun.
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Lover's Carving by: Bibio

The Last in the Bag

One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.
-Jack Kerouac
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My apologies if I haven’t written in a while. It’s just that words ran out of letters (these are the last in the bag). It’s just that language isn’t perfect. It’s just, me.
-I Wrote This For You
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Birds of a Feather by: The Civil Wars

I No Longer See Anything Else

There are those things that I have seen only very seldom, and that I have not always chosen to forget, or not to forget, as the case my be; there are those things that having looked at in vain I never dare to see, which are all the things I love (in their presence I no longer see anything else); there are those things that others have seen, and that by means of suggestion they are able or unable to make me see also; there are also things that I see differently from to other people, and those things that I begin to see and that are not visible. And that is not all.
-André Breton
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Riverside by: Agnes Obel

Maybe It Is Like That

Trying to know what to do is difficult
enough, let alone knowing what to do

anyway. I could take that at least two ways,
maybe more. For example, I could take a walk,

even a long walk and I would expect to walk
through the woods or a field or a park or downtown.

But what if I didn’t take a walk and instead just kept
the walk to myself, kept it here amidst all the indecision

about where to take that walk? I might pop open a Coke,
kick off my hiking boots, put on a smoking jacket

and pile up some Jane Austen and some Henry James,
just pile them up. And then maybe I’d talk with you

even though you are no longer here. It could be like that,
or maybe it is like that. And at night the sky would be full

of the same stars as the night before last. At least it seems that way.

-What Are You Supposed to Do Anyway? By: Jack Ridl
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stars & the moon
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The Violet Hour by: The Civil Wars

It Might Have Looked Like That

'I wish at any cost to be alone,' said the statue with the eternal look. Wind, wind that cools my burning cheeks. And the terrible battle began.
-Giorgio de Chirico
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Love has a right to be spoken. And you have a right to know that somebody loves you. That somebody has loved you, and could love you. We all need to know that. Maybe it’s what we need most. So I wanted to tell you. And because I was afraid you thought I’d kept away from you because I didn’t love you, or care about you, you know. It might have looked like that. But it wasn’t that.
-A Fisherman of the Inland Sea by Ursula K. Le Guin
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What Ever Happened by: The Strokes